Still Standing After All this Time

After a year and some change off, I decided to get back into posting a photo here and there, nothing too structured.. heaven's no.. summer is almost here and Adam and I have tons to do.. but I haven't been very creative lately and I am READY!!! so, this photo was taken up in Petaluma after three day camping trip.. I took a wrong turn (!) and this is what I saw.. magic!!

How Now Lone Cow

Hey there!  Driving through Tracy we passed this lone cow.  I was able to grab a photo of it on the fly.  Where was the rest of it's tribe?  Why is this cow all alone??  Totally weird.  I can totally relate to this lone cow.. I don't do solo very well and lately I have been missing my girls.. we are scattered to the wind
. 

Connections

    

     Last night I went to a concert in San Francisco, it doesn't matter which one as that's not the point of this story.  We were all packed in, knee to back.. ass to ass.. on metal bleacher seats.  The stairs going up and down were narrow and steep.. the crowd was mostly people in their 40's, 50's even 60's.. people not used to or able to navigate the stairs like in youth.  A women walking up the stairs spilled her tequila something on both the boy (20 something) behind me and down my back.  It was cold, wet and smelled, well, like tequila.  It was also quite a shock.. she apologized to the boy and made up some excuse and continued up the stairs. I looked at him with the wet dripping off his right arm and face and used my jacket to mop him off.. without even thinking... and I am smiling here at this moment thinking about my need to just fix it.. so we could all go on having a good time.  He seemed a bit surprised by my action and made it a point to tap me on the shoulder a few minutes later to thank me.. twice.  It was sweet.  I made a joke about how we should have split her drink because by spilling it she should have lost the right to have it.. then he said seriously.. if that had been a man I would have punched him.  I paused for a minute to see if there was any indication of violence in this boys face.. I didn't see any.. I felt awkward after he said that and mumbled something in reply.  And I've been thinking about it ever since.
     What comes to my mind now in hindsight is that I have been on both sides of the drink, the spiller and the wearer.  Does the spiller deserve to be punched?  My gut says no.. but only because it was not a meditated move, it was just poor balance on her part.  In the long run she paid 15$ for a drink that she spilled half of.. isn't she the loser?
      Another incident happened on our ride home on the motorcycle between a bicyclist and a car.. mostly between the cyclist and hisself.  Lots of traffic, the car edges into the bike lane not seeing the bicyclist and the cyclist hollers out to let the car know he is coming.. as he passes he is pissed and flips the driver the bird and yells Fuck You!  I speak up and say to the cyclist as he is pedaling away.. Why so angry? Don't take it so personally..  don't know if her heard me but I hope he did and it gives him some food for thought.
     Now, here is where I get a bit weird.. so sorry.. I had this revelation today at the gym.. and here it goes.. We are all connected.  We are everyone and everyone is us.  We are the spiller, we are the wearer, we are the mistake makers, we are the winners, the losers, we step in shit, we make the grade, we are the fat, we are the fit, we are the smelly, the beautiful, the brave, the weak.  No man is better, some are just better off.  I hope that if you are reading this  that my words reach you and talk you into a better understanding of others.. to help feel less angry and more empathetic towards each other... at any given moment we could be any of us. 

Growth

Hi!  It's been awhile since I last posted.. I honestly wasn't sure if I ever would.. but here I am!  Went for a bike ride in my old stomping grounds in Golden Gate Park with Ally on Sunday and came across this gnarly old tree.. amazing isn't it?  I liken this tree to one's life span.. there are twists and turns..some back breaking...some smooth and straight.. but like this tree we keep growing (hopefully right??)  Adapt or die

Angel

Christmas is rapidly approaching..and I have mixed feelings about it this year.  We are down two family members...  One almost on the other side of the world and another may as well be that far away.. just as hard to access.  Its gonna be quiet come Christmas morn.. well quieter than usual.. don't forget there is an 8 year old eagerly waiting to tear into his presents and a 17 year old that will be right beside him.  I am wishing for all a very Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.  Remember to hold close those you love.

Lend me a Helping Limb

Life doesn't always live up to our expectations.. Ha..thats an understatement of the century!  My family has taken a few hits these past few months (years) and it's been a struggle to find the silver lining in the rain clouds.. yet with all that has been going on we still remain strong and solid as ever.  Sorry to be so cryptic, but some things still need to be kept private in this "everybody knows everything about everybody" era.  Art, Music and Photography has helped keep me distracted and sane and able to focus on the day to day celebrations.. like this amazing sky and obnoxiously beautiful tree.. What helps you?  If you don't have an answer.. figure it out.. life is short.. life is hard.. everyone needs a crutch or two.

Mushroom Cloud

Heading down south on 101 yesterday with this big fat cloud up ahead in our horizon.  I had only my phone with me which explains the crappy quality of the picture but I was happy to even have that.  As we got closer to it it went from a mushroom shaped Goomba from Mario and Liugi to a space ship.  I remember a time when I had time to sit and watch the clouds roll by.. creating pictures in the sky and making up stories about them.  It is almost Thanksgiving and Adam and I have off the next 9 days.  If the weather holds for us, I'm going to make sure we exercise our imaginations in this way.  Have a warm and wonderful Thanksgiving with whom
ever you chose as your family for the day.

Facing you..facing me

Witnessed some amazing music last night at The Rickshaw Stop .  Had my camera working overtime as the music combined with images on a screen created some interesting photo ops.  Its been awhile since I've been able to get to a music show.. much needed time out.

Music

Music is what makes you move
Music is what makes you groove
Music can be good or bad depending on how its used
Music can make you choose different clothes to wear
Music can make you change your hair
Music can make you choose new friends
Music can make you want to dance
Music can make you fight
Music can make everything alright
Music can take care of you when your alone
Music can make everything feel like home
Music can harm and take away
Music can make you want to stay
Music is the only friend I have
Music is my mom and dad
Music is what keeps me alive
When I feel like I can't survive Music 

unknown

Under the Boat Ramp

I never really know where I am going to go with these posts until I have uploaded the picture and looked at it for a few moments.  I try to channel the feelings that I had while I was taking the photo and what thoughts the image provokes in me.  This isn't an easily accessible place.. we had to limbo over and under wooden slats to get here.. and crouch along.. not enough room to stand straight up.  But being under here felt safe and mysterious.. a secret place...  

Summer is over now.. we are back to routines and schedules and time crunches.. how I will miss the freedom and aimless days..

Tree

Tree, gather up my thoughts
like the clouds in your branches.
Draw up my soul
like the waters in your root.

In the arteries of your trunk
bring me together.
Through your leaves
breathe out the sky.

by J. Daniel Beaudry

Love is a Rusty Heart

Its been awhile since I last posted.. deep into summer I am.  Adam and I have had a very busy yet relaxing summer so far and he's about to start bowling camp (yes there is a bowling camp) so I will have some time to myself coming up this week to play with my camera.  This photo was taken in 2009 in Half Moon Bay.  Its a rust pattern on an old car.  I have been going through past images to add to the 50/50 art show that I am participating in at the end of August.  To be fair, I am only doing 25 as I have a partner who is doing the other 25 and we will present as a collaboration... even doing half has been a challenge.  Looking at the images that I have chosen to include there seems to be a common theme... which is.. things are not always what they seem to be. 

.. look once, look twice, and look again..   

beauty is everywhere.. even in a junky rusted out car..

Attack of the 40ft Woman

In Vegas over the weekend.. exploring the Hard Rock Cafe and I stumbled into this scene.. giddy with excitement.. this is by far my favorite..

Hanging up my cleats

I've played softball since I was in high school... geez going on almost 30 years.  I love/hate the game.  I love being outside and the camaraderie but I hate having to be somewhere every Friday night and I hate when I don't do good.  Last night I sucked.  I struck out and I couldn't get the ball out of the in field (hitting).. and I didn't play my usual position (catcher).. I was in the outfield.  I like the outfield ok.. its a chance to do sprints and run like a kid.. but catching is where all the action is at.. the conversations and the interaction between me and Paul, our pitcher, make me totally giddy.  So I had a bad night and seriously thought about not doing this anymore.... but then a teammate of mine asked me to fill in today.. and I responded "But Im hitting like shit".. and she said.. "So What"... and that was all it took.. Let's play ball!

The Cabin in the Woods

For a brief week or two Kurt and I and my friend Tamara toyed with the possibility of buying a resort and renovating it... The thought was enticing and our ideas were endless.. Creativity retreats, non-profit camps for under-privileged kids, wedding and corporate events, family reunions... I still feel like it may happen but not for awhile.. My path for now has been chosen and I need to keep going.  This place is a helluva steal $750,000 for 35 acres, 25 cabins, two swimming pools with a concession stand, a two bedroom house and a store with a community/pool hall.. up in Cobb mtn.  So please buy this, get it in working condition and then sell it to me in 10 years.. I will be ready to pull the rip cord then..

... or you will break

There have been many ups and downs in my life.. as most of us can agree.. life has a way of keeping us on our toes.  In my 20's I was a force to reckon with.. no one was right but me.  I would rather sever a relationship before admitting defeat.  I was obnoxious and single minded.. and I became a mom for the first and second time...  nothing like the feeling of getting your guts ripped out of you (twice) to put life into perspective. As I charged into my 30's I softened a bit... heh heh.. a little bit..  I was still opinionated and staunch in my battles, but when you have two little boys things get messy, don't go as planned and somedays pajamas are your whole wardrobe.  As I eased into my 40's (now mom to number three) I still stand by my convictions but I have a better sense of when to hold and when to fold.  Loss, Gain, Triumph, Love, Hate, Defeat, Sorrow, Grief, Joy, Happiness, Laughter, Tears... through it all we need to bend or we will break.

I haven't posted in almost a month.. it's not like I haven't been thinking about it, it's just that I haven't honestly been inspired by anything that I have captured with my camera, enough to share at least.. until today. (yay!!)  Drove Adam and four of his classmates on a field trip today.. literally drained me of all my energy.. pretty sure the other parents thought I was a bossy bitch.. but I am sure that I was assigned the most rowdy of the group.. including my own.. so who could blame me for trying to keep them from destroying the place?  While they were running around in circles playing tag (aka trying to wear them out before I let them back in my car for the drive home) I was able to rest for a moment by the fountain when I spotted this leaf.  Grabbed a few shots of it.. I really liked the shadows of the ripples..think I see a few faces in there.. do you?

Who does your dirty work?

Walking around in SF the other night I passed by a laundromat.  Looking in the window I saw this woman cleaning out the lint from the dryers.  As a kid I was always fascinated by the lint in our dryer and liked to scrape my hand over the filter to gather it into a clump.  Being a kid, I never really understood where it came from just that after every load it would be there.  I imagined that if anyone were to ask me what I liked to do I would respond "I like to pick the lint out of the dryer."  I'm laughing now at how ridiculous this sounds but it's true and c'mon, I was probably about 8 or 9 at the time so don't judge.  So, this is what I was thinking as I was looking through the window at this woman... wondering if she has ever thought about the lint in these filters... and does she enjoy her job?  Does she know that somewhere there is a 9 year old dreaming of the perfect job and it is hers?

Holding Out

This photo was captured the week between Christmas and New Years.  There were four trees.. three were bare.  Kurt and I wondered about this one tree, why it still had a lot of leaves... did it get more light?  Was it more protected from the wind?  Kurt noticed that it's trunk was wider.. so perhaps it was the healthiest/strongest.  In my head (because that's where most of my weird pondering stays thankfully) I thought about hold outs.  Was this tree just being stubborn and fighting against the change of seasons?  Not wanting to let go?  There are people like that..The ones who are afraid of change so they dig in stubbornly trying to fight off the inevitable.. the last ones to leave the party.. Sometimes thats me.  I was probably the last to get a cell phone in my circle of friends.. I still love to play my records.. and despite my kids complaining, I refuse to have a microwave.  But thinking more about my reasoning it occurs to me that it's not fear of change that I'm dragging my feet against.. its the fact that I like to keep it simple... cooking things over a real fire, speaking to people face to face and actually holding the record in my hand and looking at the album cover art are all things that for some have gone along the wayside.. either forgotten or never to be experienced.  What are your hold outs?

New Year.. New Me

hahahahaha.. yea right!  sorry, it's just the same ole me.. C'mon.. really??  Hope the New Year is treating you as good as it has been to me.  So far 2012 has been dynamite!  Had an awesome photo shoot with another of my gorgeous nieces (2 down, 3 to go!).  Taylor met Ally and I in the city where we spent an hour plus in a very pungent alley way.. it was worth it tho.. then we drove to SSF to one of the cemeteries.. can't remember which one, but I've photographed there before.  A very beautiful setting to capture the very best of my beautiful niece.  Two pics today, my ultimate favorites from both places.. to see more visit  http:www.allykatfotography.

Illumination

It was cold.  It was late.  It was crappy weather.  Any one of these reasons were enough to keep me at home, warm and snugly under my electric blanket, with my favorite 7 year old next to me.  But I had an appointment and I needed to be there.  I was capturing my good friend and her family today for their Christmas cards and I was stoked to be doing so... but the cold, the weather and the time.. !!! As I was driving out to ocean beach I was happy to see the sun breaking through and these amazing clouds.  I texted my gal friend and told her to hurry.. the lighting!!  I got there before her and took a few photos.. this is one of them.  So glad I manned up and headed out today.. otherwise I would've missed this beautiful sight.. which left me wondering what other opportunities have I traded for comfort.. hmm..